Ah, the moment of truth has finally arrived. Well almost. The moment I’ve been praying about, training for, and planning for months is very near to striking.
In less than 24 hours, I will be in the Tenderloin for about a week serving alongside City Impact, a permanent ministry in SF. (For more detailed info about the mission, refer to my previous post here.)
Several of my friends have continually asked the questions, “Are you ready?” and “How can I be praying for you?” And you’d think after the 4th or 5th time being asked a question, I’d have an answer. But each time I’ve looked at my friends at a loss for words, in complete unconfident mystery.
“Uh… you can pray that uh… God reveals to me why I’m going.”
Yeah, Brenna, that’s articulate and profound, I tell myself as the unsureness surely pervades my words.
But the truth is, as many times as others have asked and I’ve asked myself, I’m really not sure whether or not I’m ready. Can one ever really be ready to endure to unknown? Can one ever really train or prepare or study for what God has in store?
My answer to those who ask, however, is not dishonest. I truly am in a place where I have no clue as to why I’m being sent to the Tenderloin anyways. To do a good thing? Sure. To be the hands and feet of Jesus? Yeah. To change lives or make an impact? I’m not so sure.
There’s already a permanent ministry in the Tenderloin… several even. And after reading books like When Helping Hurts and articles of a similar nature, I’m not so sure short term missions trips are even that effective or impactful or even necessary as the church makes them seem to be.
So, here I am. About to leave for the city tomorrow. “Ready” to do Kingdom Work and serve God in any way possible. But there’s just something, a little something, that’s nagging at me. Something that tells me to be just a bit nervous for what is to come.
Despite this nagging, I am going to remain confident in the Lord and know that He works in the most unsure of times. Sometimes it’s okay to not be ready. How could He transform someone with all the answers and skills anyways?
Pray for me, friends. I’ll keep you posted on how the trip went ASAP.
All my best!
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” Mark 25:40